Sometimes I really hate people. Which is very normal. But I only hate some people some of the time. I like to think I’m not a particularly hateful person.
But just in case you ever want to be my friend, here’s a quick and easy guide to what I like and don’t like about you.
I LIKE:
- Chattiness
I’m a huge fan of talkative people mostly because I hate awkward silences. What’s particularly awkward is when I’m in a group of not-chatty people and I stand there making loud and irritating observations about the weather. People tend to nod and stare at their feet. Which only makes me more irritating.
- Interesting things
If you find something fascinating, chances are your enthusiasm will make everybody else fascinated too. Even if it’s not particularly interesting in the first place. Talk to me about things you love. This also helps to get me out of those awkward silences I was telling you about.
- Nerdiness
HELLO, GEEKS! You are my best friends. Don’t hide it, I know who you are.
- Good stories
If you can tell me an engaging story, hoo boy. You’re officially one of my favourite people. There’s nothing better than a funny story. It also helps if it’s an embarrassing one. Because, you know, who doesn’t like laughing at other people? Am I right?
- New things
If you can show me some new things, like new food that I haven’t tried, or interesting events I haven’t been to, that’s great. Even more important than that though is the readiness to try new things. A lot of my friends don’t like to step outside their comfort zones – they like Asian food (I have a lot of Asian friends), they like going to the movies – they’re not normally interested in going to museums or galleries or markets, or eating things they don’t usually eat. Know what I mean? Let me show you some culture and you’ve got the BFF thing in the bag.
I DON’T LIKE:
- Animal noises
This may seem like a weird thing to hate, but seriously. DON’T BARK LIKE A DOG, LOUDLY, IN PUBLIC. IT’S NOT APPEALING. It has happened to me before.
- Inability to take a hint
Really annoying. I don’t want to piss people off by telling them I’m uncomfortable with what they’re doing or saying or anything, but surely you can read my body language. It’s a big ask, but if you want to get close to me you have to use your common sense.
- Uncalled for bitchiness
It’s OK if you have a reason to be annoyed at somebody to complain about them. It’s also OK to just have a generally bad feeling about a person and groan on the inside every time they open their mouth. It’s NOT OK when you start ragging on them when they’ve done nothing and said nothing to hurt you, or when you’re overreacting to what they’ve done or said. Don’t you have anything better to say?
- Uncalled for emo-ness
OK, so emo-ness isn’t technically a word. But before you complain to me about how annoying your parents are because they won’t let you buy slutty 100-dollar heels, or how you wish you were dead because your boyfriend’s away for one night and can’t call you, take a step back, look at your life, and compare it with all the terrible things happening to all the other people on the planet. You are so lucky. Pick yourself up, for goodness’ sake, and find something worthwhile to be upset about.
- Rivalry
This is incredibly shallow of me. Every now and then I get a friend who I feel like I have to constantly one-up. Oh, you did what on the weekend? Well, I went to my holiday house on the beach and kissed a handsome and talented boy. This sort of thing normally happens when I find somebody who’s very like me and good at the things I’m good at. It’s really very shallow.
In the end, though, none of these things define a good or bad friend. People say you can choose your friends, but often I think that’s pretty unrealistic. You get landed with the people you get landed with.
And hey, If I like you, I like you. There are no rules to love.
Tags: animal noises, awkward silences, bitchiness, chattiness, culture, emo-ness, enthusiasm, food, friends, geeks, hate, interesting things, love, lucky, nerdiness, people, rivalry, stories, take a hint
